For the past six days, I have had a near-constant, low-grade migraine. Symptoms have included everything from sensitivity to light, smells, and sounds, constant pressure behind my eyes, fatigue, dizziness, blinding pain and nauseau. I can keep it somewhat tamped down by flooding my body with otc meds and caffeine and sleeping with an ice pack on my neck. I have prescription meds for it, but taking promethazine has an almost "scorched earth" effect on my body; I'm a zombie for 36-50 hours.
I know what the current cause is - stress. I have so much work to do, so many decisions to make, so many difficult and tedious details to handle, that my body, spirit, and consciousness just want to shut down. Finding the motivation to attack the mountain of work is difficult in the best of health; now, it seems impossible.
I'm so tired. My body is tired. My mind is tired from the pressures of school - both real and imagined. Most of all, my spirit is tired. I try not to complain too often - I have wonderful friends and family who love me, material blessings, educational opportunities, food in the fridge and a safe place to sleep at night. But it's been really hard for me to be motivated, optimistic, and ambitious lately. The past 2-3 years have been so hard. So hard. I know other people deal with worse problems, and I try to remember that and be grateful for my life, but I just feel like a hamster caught in a wheel. Things just keep going and going, but nothing ever changes.
I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want out of life anymore. I feel like nothing in my life has worked out the way I was told it would - like God gave me a beautifully wrapped gift, only I opened it to find the box empty. I don't even really know why I keep this blog. I guess it just seemed like something fun to do because my friends were doing it. Well, I don't know who reads this or why - but will you pray for me? I don't know how or if prayer works, but I know it makes me feel better. And I really need to feel better .
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i will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteJust know that people do read your blog!!! Keep the faith. God is with you always!
ReplyDelete- A friend of a friend!
Whitney - I am so sorry that you are overwhelmed. I don't wonder though; you have a lot going on in your life and any one thing would be stress enough. I hope you will work on one thing at a time as you are able, and turn the things which are beyond your control over to God. He loves you,hasn't forgotten you, and can be trusted. We will continue to pray for you and hope that as you take small steps, the stress will ease and the migraines cease. We love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, everyone. It really means a lot. And I miss my aunt and uncle!
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